Category Archives: Life

Baby Bump & Good News (Not)

Life, That Time When, Thoughts, ,

Nobody prepared me for this. This, being the period from when you’re married and yet to deliver good news.

No, good news isn’t when you accomplish things at work and get recognitions. Good news has nothing to do with enjoying yourself on long-planned dream trip with your best-friend cum halal-husband. It’s also not good-enough-news when Red Devils won a Derby match, which you paid for heftily to watch in Old Trafford. GGMU – yay, nevertheless.

So, I’m writing this as a wedding gift to all new and not-so-new brides; inspired by very true stories. Oh yes, this is a click-bait. 😛

Baby Bump

On a very rare occasion that I did wear a dress to work – I chose to style it up a little, with a belt around my not-so-flat tummy. I was at a celebration with my friends & colleagues from my former plant. For context, I’ve not met anyone since my wedding since I relocated to across the Causeway.

Mr Hong Kong Man (in a very sweet tone) : Awwww, Thara – is that a baby bump, I see?

Me : Ermmm, hi Mr Hong Kong Man! Very nice to see you! Noooooooooo. I just found lots of places to eat in Singapore. (wide grin, high pitch laugh)

Mr Hong Kong Man : ………… Oh no! I’m so sorry! …. *more awkward silence – until I ran away to someplace I was not needed*

Poor Mr Hong Kong Man, I’m pretty sure he’s now traumatized for life. This was so hilarious because it really did seem to scar him more than me. This is someone that I really like & look up to. I’m thinking that I should meet him when I do get pregnant, just when I’m about to pop so that we can try the aforementioned conversation again – you know, for redemption.

Lesson #1 : Gain weight at your own risk post wedding – as it’s trickier to navigate. I’m also obliged to say, as a responsible writer-wannabe, take care of your health. I’m a hypocrite – work in progress.

Notes to self, 1) Either stick to my workout plan or get pregnant this year, whichever attainable. 2) Look in the mirror & ask myself, ‘Do I look pregnant in this?’.

Good News

On a not-so-fine day at work, I was getting bad refluxes which then exponentially got worse throughout the day making me puke multiple times. My engineer-turned-doctor work friends were troubleshooting me like any good professional would. They deduced as a matter of fact, that it can’t be food poisoning as I had same meals as The Mister, and he seemed fine.

Colleague L : You sure it’s not any good news?

Colleague A : I was about to say the same! Which is why I was asking the questions to be sure first.

To be honest, at this point, even I was like – is this it? It was as if Tsunami hit my brain. TMI – I know, but I checked, not once but twice.

Days later, my in-house Sherlock solved the case. I had greedily eaten a day’s old Roti Boy that I got from Ipoh without sharing with The Mister. Apparently, I ate the bun in two big bites as The Mister watched me from the other room, while I evil laughed at him. While I believe there may be some exaggeration to how I consumed the Roti Boy – it was crystal clear, what it was just that, a food poisoning.

Lesson #2 : If you’re about to eat old food, share it with someone (preferably your husband if you have one) for scientific reasons. Make sure you are able to recount all your meals for better data in case you need to be diagnosed for food poisoning – to avoid false alerts.

Good News (MVP)

While many people have asked me about good news in different tones, I have a notable winner who’s worth the honorable mention, from my temple visit last week.

Mr Kooky : Eppo pethu poda pore, un Appaku vilayada? (Translation : When are you giving birth, for your father to play with (the grandchild)?)

Me : Uhmmmmmm. Coming soon, Uncle.

Mr Kooky : It’s the circle of life. Finish it this year. Then continue, go for Number 2,3,4,5.

Me : *very very very awkward laugh, while the brain is hit with another Tsunami* Ok Uncle. Take care.

Lesson #3 : If you know the question is coming, like a responsible adult – run away!

Disclaimer :

This was written in humour & not to hurt anyone. Good news has been somehow theme of many of the conversations that I’ve been having in recent times. Please, do ask me about the good news – I’ll even send my Excel for better reference (seriously).

Status : Just Married

Life, Thoughts, , ,

Almost 90% of my conversations in the past 49 days have started with, ended with or has had hints of ‘How is married life?’. Yes, naturally so, I guess – but it’s such a mind-boggling question to answer to.

I am usually rather quick to put words together, but this question really catches me off guard, every single time. I change my answers in an attempt to find one that really would put it rightly – and am yet to find any satisfactory reply.

Thank goodness for this rainy chilly weather, and The Mister’s forty minutes of futile attempt to connect a laptop to his precious-oversized Samsung TV wirelessly – I finally gave it a thought, on how married life has been.

So far, married life with The Mister has comprised of :

Curious Case of the Comforter

For context, I’m a grumpy sleep-person.

On warm nights, when I break free – The Mister dutifully (and sweetly?) pulls over the comforter for me. I grumble.

On cold nights, he wraps himself with the comforter, I get cold – and yes, I grumble and struggle to steal it back. Also, for context, he’s a giant.

We discuss this matter in length, for days. *face palm* The Mister even went on to conduct an experiment, unknown to me. One time, he wrapped me in comforter when he woke up to watch a match and came back to find me ninja-ed out of the comforter. Next morning, he gleefully presented photographic evidence.

Adulting

I have lived alone in different cities away from family for some time now – but interdependency is a whole new level. Our ideas and preferences clash – so it’s been lots of discussion, Excels and timelines.

We make lots of plans for weekly market visits, what-to-eats, weekend to-dos and date nights. We then (sometimes) sit on our couch, ask ourselves what’s the plan, all over again. Some days are super-productive, some days we transfigure into sloths.

Like all twenty-somethings who are adulting, we do ‘happy’ things – like rewarding ourselves trip to theme park, and buying things that keep the child in us alive.

Damages (read : happy things) so far include a Shrek cap that comes with ogre-ears, two Jurassic Park mugs, a paper Christmas tree, miniature of 1970 Dodge Charge which Dom Toretto drove in Fast franchise, real-plants (mint, curry leaves and Japanese roses), matching Bumblebee T-shirts, large dew-shaped (faced) pillow, flower pot shaped with dangling string legs and … and by this point, I’m questioning the adulting.

So, to answer the question : How is married life?

It has been awesome – filled with conversations over nothings and every-things. I appreciate presence of The Mister (on most days) – and it’s been like living with my best friend with some obvious additional perks *cough cough*.

My phone time has reduced so much that I have left more and more messages unread. I have my own Volta Futsal team on FIFA 22. I have a patient partner to watch our wedding trailer for the n-th time, just because it makes me all giddy.

I know life’s no bed of roses, but these past forty-nine days have been – so I’m just going to archive it here as a pick-me-up (if required).

Here, I think I have a better answer now for the dreaded question. But it comes to mind, maybe this is far more answerable question than ‘Any good news?’. 😑

Newly married, still just-kids ourselves. 😛

From Bad to Worse

Life, Politics, ,

Disclaimer : This is a rant, which voices out lots of my frustration with the pandemic management in Malaysia – so you might not end reading this feeling better than when you started.

July last year had The Mister and I cancelling our engagement ceremony. To be honest, it wasn’t all misery because we understood how serious the pandemic situation was. People were facing far bigger problems than rescheduling an event.

Since then, I had sent both invitation+cancellation cards twice for our wedding (once in Dec 2020 and another time in June 2021). Even then, I was not really bummed by the situation. It was, yes, a pandemic. People had it worse, losing their family members, jobs. I felt for those who have not been able to travel to meet their families and loved ones for a year. Many basically have put their life on hold.

When nations worldwide ramped up their vaccinations, all we received were statements of ‘what we expect’ rather than ‘what we are doing’. The vaccination rate, while recently is commendable, was far too low from February to about mid-June. We’re basically the sloth in the vaccine race globally. Registration had Malaysians going on what felt like Hunger Games, only to be frustrated at how poorly the website works.

These past month, however, has been absolutely exhausting and dreary. One cannot plan beyond the weekend. Personally and professionally, I felt as I was stucked in what seemed like an unending tunnel. All thanks to the incompetent, overpaid idiots in a very large, yet most useless cabinet worldwide.

Our Prime Minister (and his advisors) think it’s imperative to change his official name AND let the rakyat know of his diarrhoea situation in so much detail BUT refuses to resume Parliament sessions. Meetings about pandemic management often has to wait for tomorrow or the day after; but 1 am gatherings can happen when a supporting party of coalition withdraws. Power crazed old men, who care about nothing but staying in power.

Senior politicians and political appointees (poor old high risk, privileged clowns) go on to make fool of themselves. From suggestions to drink warm water as cure to COVID-19, to high-school like bickering and blame games of what industries can operate during lockdown. Number of cases keep increasing, and the man who has failed to manage the situation gets promotion and clocks in with a shameless, guilt-free smile on his first day as a Deputy Prime Minister.

I am not usually very opinionated about politics in general – but these past year has triggered a very bitter-youth in me, who’s appalled at the state of her nation. What’s more frustrating is that those are supposed to care and resolve the matter are playing deaf and dumb. Even if the PN coalition were to lose majority, there isn’t much hope our PH took over – because the race sentiment always will triumph competency.

Some glimmer of hope, we see, when Young MPs are doing more good for the rakyat in their constituents than the ‘seasoned’ bunch. Commoners have gone all out to lend a helping hand in whichever way possible. Rakyat are more vocal these days when it comes to calling out any failures (read: stupidity) of the governing gang of politicians.

But…. I find it difficult to wholeheartedly believe that Malaysia will heal, and regain her former glory. The future does seem bleak, in all areas, be it politics, economy, education, unity or development. It’s like we have literally gone backwards. It’s very difficult to feel patriotic about a nation that’s broken the mandate of its people.

To not end this so bleakly (just like my future is, oops), I should say – hang in there! Like really, talk to your loved ones, find a hobby, and try to keep your spirits up. The ride might be rough, and a little longer than we would have expected.

What I Learned from Losing My Car

Life, That Time When, ,

I was on the phone with The Mister when my heart skipped multiple beats as I saw the empty parking lot where my car supposed to be parked. I exclaimed, ‘The car’s not here!’.

I was borderline frantic – ‘I couldn’t have parked anywhere else! This is where I park day in and out!’, I said in annoyance and anger when The Mister suggested if I had parked elsewhere. I walked rather clumsily down the slope to a lower level, and still no car.

The Mister probably thought, here we go, another Thara-moment but he calmly and courteously told me to try look in the level above my designated parking spot.

There, it was – clamped, because I had parked at another resident’s spot for three full days. After burning a RM200 hole in my pocket, unclamping and moving back the car where it belonged, I gave this incident a long thought.

A colleague turned friend pointed out, ‘Really, you thought it was stolen? Like what are the chances, considering the security and downright better options for cars to be hijacked at your place!’. Right – my logic reasoning must’ve shut-off involuntarily. Why was I even annoyed at The Mister for trying to suggest I look at a different level.

The great Master Oogway is absolutely right – ‘The mind is like water. When agitated, it becomes difficult to see. But if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear.’ Someone quoted this to me several months back, and suddenly it clicked to me. This has been the evil root to most of my tribulations, especially professionally, in the past year.

I got worked up unnecessarily. And man, was it exhaustive to live a life (read: work life) constantly in anger, dissatisfaction and having to be defensive. Although it was generally situations worth frowning upon, in some instances, there were simpler solutions and things were not that big of a deal as I’d thought.

I looked at it all as a big mountain to conquer, and lost myself in a massive plane crash of To-Do lists in my brain with emotional thunderstorms. These days I’m more (trying to be) calm and I look at things rather objectively.

This write up may not be one that you expected, a funny anecdote of how I lost my car. This is simply a reminder to myself (and others) who need to hear this : When it seems like the sky is falling on you, just take a step back, calm the shit down and look at the bigger picture. Don’t bark at people who’re simply trying to be of help. You’ll figure it out.

Also looking for career alternatives – you think I got what it takes to be a new age therapist. Hit me up for unsolicited advices and hard truths about life, Asian style.

Antidote(s) at The Door

Life, That Time When, ,

I woke up, grateful for a mundane day. Amma called to check on me. I just rolled in bed, for an hour or so after that– meaningless morning blabbers with my e-boyfriend (hassle free subscription service, and premium members get surprise gifts!). It felt like ages since I had the luxury to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of the day.

I watched 2 episodes each of Totally Spies and HTGAWM on Netflix, with breaks to talk to my e-BF, grandparents, Papa & Cherima, and Keshie. Around 4pm, I ordered Chee Cheong Fun (because I was craving for haram food, but, Popiah Bunga Raya was sold out). When I came back in the house, the piling dishes in my kitchen sink guilt tripped me.

Amma called me again, casually asking what I was doing, and kept saying, ‘Ok, bye!’. It lowkey annoyed me, so I told her to keep talking to me. She mumbled something about being tired, and not napping that evening? She was clearly distracted, divided attention between her favourite daughter (hahaa!) and TV. Then the call ended abruptly. I grunted and continued washing my oats-stained mugs.

The doorbell rang… and there they stood! Amma, Acca and Ceci. I did not cry (my sister only took the video expecting tears, but pffftttt!) I just grinned, and really, my heart jumped in joy and grinned wide too.

For context, I should add this next paragraph.

The past four weeks were the toughest times I have endured in my life. I struggled more than I have ever had. I probably never worked as hard, or even had to be that resilient. Like ever. My spirits were not that beaten but trust me when I say that my circadian rhythm was so off-beat that even the world’s best choreographers couldn’t fix it. I barely slept 25 hours a week and came home just to shower after 36-40 hours workday only to return back.

My parents and e-BF were concerned, and behind my back, they discussed how I’m this little monster who gets angry when they don’t wake me up in time after my 2-hour naps, or sometimes, just-angry.

Having gone through that, truly, this was exactly what I needed. People sometimes overly-romanticize about being self-sufficient and independent – but sometimes, all you need is just Ohana. I even went to bed with a grin, knowing my parents were just 10 steps away in the next room.

It dawned upon me – I’m still that shamelessly needy child who told her parents to call her ‘Baby’ as a toddler and asked them to send me birthday cards while in university because it was always Final Exam week.

 I have now rebooted. I have a sparkling clean house and heart full of joy and strength to take on the coming week! *sings Here We Go, Here We Go*

Where Did 2019 Go?

Life,

Since I started blogging in 2008, for 11 years now, I’ve been consistent at these TWO things; 1) Not be consistent at writing, and 2) Writing a blogpost in the month of December.

I realized that most, if not all my December blogs were about how the year went.  So, I’m going to keep that tradition going this year too, because only then, I’ll credibly add ‘Writing Year-End Reflections’ in my list of consistencies. Amidst moving across three cities in 12 months – I felt 2019 flew by in a blink (also still certain somebody tweaked Time Machine).

This year was as eventful as 2018 – albeit the lack of awesomeness on my Instagram feed. The reason for that is my ‘digital detox’ endeavor in 2019. My attempt to stay away from social media did not last long enough though. But one good outcome from unistalling some apps and setting screen time limit is that now I feel lesser need to take pictures for Gram. Like a true millennial, I have a long way to go to strike a balance – let’s hope I work my way around it in 2020.

Professionally, it has been one hella packing-unpacking deal. I completed my first rotation down south in Johor in March. Then, I made a move further down south to Singapore for my ‘overseas’ rotation for 9 months. I saw and experienced things – at a much grander scale. Now, I’ve moved to Malacca – it’s been two weeks. In all of this, I’m glad that I met (have gotten to know more, this year) people my age from various backgrounds – how we are all different, but still the same. ASEAN curse word conventions, discussing brown parenting, learning new recipes, eating tasty home-cooked food (big hearty thanks to Uncle Manu and Mrs Manu) and and debating on random topics. I miss all this now that I’m in a place with only TWO other people.

Love life progressing on a steep gradient on our 5th Year of Woofness, as we call it. We finally lived in the same city since graduating in 2016, though for only 9 months. We had lots of fun gaining calories, exploring and failing to consistently go to gym. LDR sucks even if it’s just over 300 km yo! Our families met for the first time, and now warming up to each other’s family more. And…… we *cough* are *cough* getting *cough* married.

Personally, I could’ve done better with my New Year’s resolutions. I actually did read more this year (thanks to my book sponsor a.k.a The Mister!). I tried to limit single-use plastics – and jumped at every opportunity where I can spread the word among family members and colleagues. I saved more money than I have had since starting work. So that’s all good – I well deserve a Cheesy Wedges.

But…. I need to up my game in writing, healthy living, emotional intelligence and some other personal projects. To a more productive year in 2020. Looking forward to all the adventures that 2020 has in store.

May the poser-skills improved too in 2020!

Curtains Down : 2018

Life, Thara 25 Before 25, , ,

If I described 2018 as a roller coaster ride, it’ll be shamefully an understatement. So, let me do it justice.

It was like going to Disneyland all smiles and glee, and then someone offered me a sack of gold coins for me to get on a ride. The ride made me nauseous, and I couldn’t get off halfway. I had this nagging passenger right next to me – who kept nagging and made me lose my mind. But what kept me going is the thought of that sack of gold coins and my cute little plushy which I had carried along in my pocket (which I beat up whenever I struggled on the ride). At the end of the first ride, I was so thrilled that it was over, and extremely grateful to sign up for another ride.

Okay laaa, that’s a bit drama. But now I feel I justified my 2018 chapter the right way.

So, like every year, I am going to summarize the highlights of my year. So, here we go, a reminiscent walk through my 2018 memories.

  1. Crossing items on my 25 Before 25

I’m a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, always been one despite being not-so great at accomplishing them all the time. In 2018, however, I did not write any yearly resolutions. I resorted to completing my 25 Before 25 (which I will blog about soon!), a list I wrote when I was still doing my undergrad studies in UTP. It wasn’t a typical bucket-list of sorts with skydiving and all. It was a simple list of random things I wanted to do.  Some of the things include   :

  • Learning hand lettering
  • Volunteering for Build for Tomorrow
  • Watching Disney on Ice
  • Piercing for a second earring (my Amma isn’t a big fan of this!)

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The list is about 80% complete. Obviously I’m cheating a little there, because I turned 25 last September. But I decided to give yours truly an extension until February 2019.

  1. Completing my postgraduate studies

When I enrolled for my Masters program, I had one motto. Finish on time, on a high. I repeated that to myself; and in one way or another my close knits also kept me on my toes. I am more than exhilarated as I look back on my postgraduate journey. I think I did good. 🙂

WhatsApp Image 2018-10-29 at 4.23.36 PM.jpeg

I wrote a longgg story about My Postgraduate Journey (if you’re interested). 😛

3.   Switching Jobs 

Going into 2018, I told myself that I will look for another as soon as I completed my Masters. Two weeks into 2018, I was already looking at job ads like an addict. I applied for my current job circa January 2018.

5 months and 8 stages of selection later, I got the job along with 9 others from all over ASEAN coutries. It was a ASEAN Graduate Programme which requires us to switch roles at different locations for 2 years. Now I’m almost at the end of my first block. If I have to be frank, some days are tough. I climb 2-3 stories high monkey ladders. I get asked if I am an intern at least once a week. But I am grateful for this opportunity – to spend 2 years to look for what exactly I want, and learning from the best people along the way.

IMG_4458

4.    Living Alone

My life has changed 274.5 degrees with my new job. I have to relocate every 8 months for different roles. For my first block, I was deployed (chewaahh) to Johor. After graduating from UTP, I had lived at home for a year and half. Transitioning to living alone was a little nerve wrecking in the beginning. This was different from campus life (I had the bestest roommate ever!).

The first time I cooked nasi lemak for a Saturday lunch and sent my Amma a photo, she replied, ‘Where you buy from?’.

WhatsApp Image 2018-08-05 at 1.20.58 PM.jpeg
My first nasi lemak! I even made the effort to plate it nicely.

I bought scented candles, bought so much groceries (and throwing half of them, because I have no sense for expiry dates and portions). But living alone is not as miserable or pathetic as I imagined it to be! Sure, I do miss proper home-cooked meals. But living alone also teaches you a lot – like use a peg to dry your clothes so that your jeans don’t fly away from the 21st floor.

5.  The Mister’s Grand Introduction

I made up my mind about this circa 2016. I will introduce The Mister to my parents in the best possible manner, even if that meant that I’ll have to wait a little longer. I wanted a proper introduction, and I wanted it all to be certain. So, just a couple of weeks before my graduation, I called Amma and told her that The Mister is coming for convocation and that she should tell my father.

I came out of the hall in jitters, saw The Mister standing with the family. Everyone just grinning sheepishly.

Little Twin : Achu, pass ah this Etta?

Acca : Does he watch football?

The Mister : *sheepishly nodding*

Acca : What team?

Me : MU.

Acca : Then okay, pass. 

You see, mine’s a conventional Indian family. You can be 25 and still be anxious about having found a boy you like. I was just relieved that the cat was out of the bag after being in there, gasping for air for FOUR years (although later Acca sarcastically told Amma, ‘You think I don’t know anything ah? I know.’)

IMG_5436.jpg
Round table interrogation by the senior council members. 😛

____________________________________________

As I complete this write-up, it dawns upon me that every part of the highlights deserves a blog post each. I keep saying this at the end of almost every year, (and it’s always true!), but 2018 has been the most eventful year of my life *clears throat*, thus far.

Happy New Year to all who’s reading!

May we all have a better 2019, and all the strength in the world. 

P/s: I have not been to any Disney parks, so that was purely fictional. But, no, that entire first paragraph felt so real as I typed it. 😛

My Postgraduate Journey

Learning, Life, Thara 25 Before 25, , ,

I’m overwhelmed with pride and joy as I write this, even days after my convocation ceremony, months even, since I actually completed my postgraduate studies circa early June. Well, I have very solid reasons why I am singing praises for myself (this could be a good thing, no?).

Why I Signed Up for Postgraduate Studies?

Let me begin with why I signed up for a Master’s course. You see, I was not beaming with satisfaction as much during my convocation in UTP. I wasn’t graduating with the best of CGPA, and I wasn’t proud of where I stood. I have always taken pride being an academically accomplished student – and that sort of scarred my spirit. I had to correct that, before I moved on to better things (or so I thought). So, I did not overthink about starting my masters to heal Little-Miss-Achiever in me. She needed to know that she could do better and deep down she knew she was better. I went with Environmental Engineering, mostly because it made sense at that time – I was working as an Environmental Engineer, and I kind of liked the subjects during my final year major. I thought I wasn’t ready for a MBA.

The Journey Itself

You see, my journey completing this postgraduate studies within three semesters wasn’t an easy one. I had a full-time job in an MNC and tutored part-time, three nights a week. I did a mixed-mode Masters, so that meant I had both classes and dissertation to complete. Sometimes, I had classes from eight in the morning to six in the evening, on Sundays. I was doing this to prove my worth, so I wasn’t about to sail along classes just enough to graduate. I had to be at my best. Needless to say, it was exhausting. Some days I felt like not doing anything and sleep all day. I helped increase sale of Pringles, McDonalds and Goodday Honey Flavoured Milk (this is so good!). I also had a few cry baby episodes at home. I got touchy at the slightest comment. I was always whining about how tired I was to my mum, and justified my weight gain with tears. That was all the worse parts.

The better parts came when I was once again the sought-after person for assignments, and when my results came each semester. I am being extremely honest here, that was my high. I went on this journey wanting so badly to prove to myself (who am I kidding, also to others) that I was as capable as I pictured myself to be. It wasn’t all about CGPA or being smart per say, it was my redemption. I started this journey with a wrong mindset, I guess. But I ended it on a different note, with a refreshed sense of confidence, self-worth and desire to learn. Okay, maybe the desire to learn was extra because I paid for every credit hour with my hard-earned money and I made sure to make full use of every Ringgit. I enjoyed the assignments (although I was almost always doing it last minute – #somethingsneverchange). I enjoyed the discussions, insightful conversations with my classmates and lecturers. Kind words from my close knits refueled my energy and enthusiasm. It kept me going (one of the things).

That, and the constant nagging pep talk from The Mister who can be both a Sweet Angel or a Nasty Uncle. Here’s an anecdote that’ll help explain my previous statement. On the final days of my thesis submission, I was a complete mess. I had gone two days without sleep and was on leave to complete my thesis write-up. I was constantly calling The Mister (even when he was at work) and I cried about how tired I was and complained that the thesis ‘is not finishing’. I told I was going to extend for another semester – he was all nice and motivating, until at one point I got yelled at. He told me to either do it or extend the damn semester – stop whining (not his exact words, but you get the idea laa).

I drove to Starbucks in Petronas Solaris Serdang, bought two drinks, redeemed another AND completed my thesis write up. I had to pay extra for same-day binding and submitted my thesis 6 hours later than the deadline. You see, sometimes all we need is a little (or aggressive) push. Lucky (in this case) for me, The Mister seems to have found a complete operation manual on how I work. He succeeds, almost all the time (it doesn’t work when it comes to getting me be healthy, hahaaaa!).

A year and half equivalent to three semesters later, I was done! I graduated with a 3.73 CGPA, presented in a conference and got the Best Paper Award. I had left my previous job on the last week of final examination, which was a carefully engineered break for myself. I am glad that I went on this journey – and I am more than glad that it gave me countless opportunities – to meet the right people, to learn beyond academics and to make my parents (and close knits) proud of me.

Disclaimer: This write up may seem like I’m self-bragging, but I assure you that wasn’t my intention. I’d love to keep my trumpets in the closet, but I really feel like I owe it to myself, to be proud of me, and share this story in the honest possible manner.

index.jpg
Almost exact representation of my emotions completing this journey. 😛

 

That Time When Facebook Made Me Cry

Life, People, ,

I have a love-hate relationship with the ‘On This Day’ function on Facebook. Sometimes I screenshot and have a good laugh with The Mister. Other times, I cringe a little (okay, maybe a lot), when I read comments and posts of younger me. Today, however, I had all sorts of emotions flooding me. As I type this post, I am not even sure if I should be writing this post.

Back when I was in Primary One, we used to sit with our tables combined, six in a group. On my right, sat a boy whose name was S. He was one of my first friends in primary school.  He had a sister, 3 years older, who was in my sister’s class, and maybe that’s how we actually became friends by default. To be honest, I do not remember any of the conversations we had, but we hung out a lot. It’s all blurry to me now.

Sometimes, his nose would bleed profusely. He’d have blood stains all over his uniform. It has happened more than once. Teachers would help him get cleaned, and I was always the one who was instructed to buy him some food from the canteen. In Standard 2, we no longer sat beside each other. But, we’d still play with erasers, go for our prefects’ duties, leave class early for recess, together.

He shifted school in Primary 4, and I did not see him again till Primary 6. We met at the Leadership Camp for all primary head prefects from schools in Kuala Lumpur. He always jokingly said then, ‘Kalau aku kat SKSD, mesti aku tak jadi Ketua Pengawas’. After that, I sometimes met him in one competition or the other. The last time I met him in person was during a career competition in Form 4.

We became Facebook friends, and we’d randomly comment on each other’s post. We religiously wished each other on birthdays. We’d chat on Facebook messages, very rarely, but when we did, it’d be long conversation over nothings. He was one of those old friends, whom I was really glad to catch up with, but one who doesn’t cross my mind on ordinary days.

1 2

And in 2012, on June 13th, I signed in on Facebook, and posted him birthday wishes, like I had been in the past few years. Then, this happened..

3.jpg

I called my Mum, and cried that night. Today, another one of his random comments on Facebook popped up. Every time it happens, I somehow involuntarily relive that night, the night when I read that devastating comment on Facebook.

A Letter to My Younger Self (s)

Life, Thoughts, ,

Dear 4 Year Old Self,

Remember that night, when we were in the car heading to grandparents’ in Bahau. You were fast asleep in the car, when the Acca suddenly pressed the brake. You fell down, and hit your face on the car seat, and you cried in pain. Acca said,  a cow drove recklessly. You just nodded, and sat through the rest of the journey imagining a 4 legged animal driving a red car. A driving cow made your lips bleed.

No, Thara. Cows don’t drive cars. And the Moon doesn’t play hide and seek with you.

Dear 8 Year Old Self,

Remember that girl in school everyone made fun of, because she wasn’t quite right in the head? You too, did the same. You used to walk away if she sat somewhere near you inthe canteen or assembly. You thought she smelled funny. You even laughed about it with your friends. But she was always smiling, greeting everyone. Until, one day, she just wasn’t coming to school anymore. Teachers said she shifted to a different school, with a special class.

A few years later, you’ll see her, clad in secondary school uniform, walking with her mother by the road.  She smiles as she walked by. You sat in the car, with heaved heart and teary eyes. She was just trying to make friends. You should’ve been nice.

Dear 12 Year Old Self,

You thought you had it all. In fact, you felt superior to your peers. You were the school topper, Head Prefect, and you knew that the 2005 Tokoh Pelajar Award had your name written all over it. You enjoyed being in the limelight. And you just knew, you were destined for bigger things.

You didn’t know then that all the medals and certificates you took pride in would mean nothing to your purpose in life. And do not lend your books, especially Harry Potter to others! It’s funny how you were so clueless, yet confident and snobby.

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

By now, you learned that the world revolves around everything, but only you. When you get your exam results, you convince yourself, if you could do this good even without even trying hard, imagine what could happen if you worked as hard. That’s your recent area of expertise. To convince yourself, to come up with reasons and excuses. You aren’t doing as good you ought to, but you aren’t doing bad either? You had great friends, you were in the Top 10. You’ve still got some limelight, although you’re not in centre stage.

You just know that if only you put in some work, you’ll ace many things in life. Well, lemme just tell you, you never got around doing much. Neither did you become a freelance writer, nor did you become a Toastmaster. Nope, not even a scholarship. Maybe, I was meant to be just an average kinda person? Good bye, 12 Year Old Thara.

Dear 20 Year Old Self, 

One day, the only friend from school that you have on campus told you, ‘You’ve changed ahhh’. You used to put yourself first, before anything else’. Her words would be a knock in your head, how you used to love yourself. You would never do anything to harm/hurt your precious self. But you chose to ignore, just brushing off her comments. You just chose to not see things as they were. You got name called behind your back. People were talking. You were just not bothered. After all, they don’t know what was the real situation.

You were just covering up with other good things. You had just won a national competition. You were reading more than before. Your grades were falling, but you could do better if only you tried right? Just so you know, you were wrong. You should’ve listened to your sane self. Oh, and that boy who bought you soup noodles when you were sick? He will mean more to you, than just a friend with car.

Dear Me-Now,

Every bit of experiences you’ve had, has made you the person that you are now. That said, none of those define who you will be as a person. Maybe it’s time you dig up all your To-Do’s and little projects you had in mind, and get started.

No, you don’t need 12 hours of sleep on the only weekend you’ll have off until the semester’s over in January. You got this, girl!