I have a love-hate relationship with the ‘On This Day’ function on Facebook. Sometimes I screenshot and have a good laugh with The Mister. Other times, I cringe a little (okay, maybe a lot), when I read comments and posts of younger me. Today, however, I had all sorts of emotions flooding me. As I type this post, I am not even sure if I should be writing this post.

Back when I was in Primary One, we used to sit with our tables combined, six in a group. On my right, sat a boy whose name was S. He was one of my first friends in primary school.  He had a sister, 3 years older, who was in my sister’s class, and maybe that’s how we actually became friends by default. To be honest, I do not remember any of the conversations we had, but we hung out a lot. It’s all blurry to me now.

Sometimes, his nose would bleed profusely. He’d have blood stains all over his uniform. It has happened more than once. Teachers would help him get cleaned, and I was always the one who was instructed to buy him some food from the canteen. In Standard 2, we no longer sat beside each other. But, we’d still play with erasers, go for our prefects’ duties, leave class early for recess, together.

He shifted school in Primary 4, and I did not see him again till Primary 6. We met at the Leadership Camp for all primary head prefects from schools in Kuala Lumpur. He always jokingly said then, ‘Kalau aku kat SKSD, mesti aku tak jadi Ketua Pengawas’. After that, I sometimes met him in one competition or the other. The last time I met him in person was during a career competition in Form 4.

We became Facebook friends, and we’d randomly comment on each other’s post. We religiously wished each other on birthdays. We’d chat on Facebook messages, very rarely, but when we did, it’d be long conversation over nothings. He was one of those old friends, whom I was really glad to catch up with, but one who doesn’t cross my mind on ordinary days.

And in 2012, on June 13th, I signed in on Facebook, and posted him birthday wishes, like I had been in the past few years. Then, this happened..

I called my Mum, and cried that night. Today, another one of his random comments on Facebook popped up. Every time it happens, I somehow involuntarily relive that night, the night when I read that devastating comment on Facebook.