Tag Archives: real life stories

That Time When Facebook Made Me Cry

I have a love-hate relationship with the ‘On This Day’ function on Facebook. Sometimes I screenshot and have a good laugh with The Mister. Other times, I cringe a little (okay, maybe a lot), when I read comments and posts of younger me. Today, however, I had all sorts of emotions flooding me. As I type this post, I am not even sure if I should be writing this post.

Back when I was in Primary One, we used to sit with our tables combined, six in a group. On my right, sat a boy whose name was S. He was one of my first friends in primary school.  He had a sister, 3 years older, who was in my sister’s class, and maybe that’s how we actually became friends by default. To be honest, I do not remember any of the conversations we had, but we hung out a lot. It’s all blurry to me now.

Sometimes, his nose would bleed profusely. He’d have blood stains all over his uniform. It has happened more than once. Teachers would help him get cleaned, and I was always the one who was instructed to buy him some food from the canteen. In Standard 2, we no longer sat beside each other. But, we’d still play with erasers, go for our prefects’ duties, leave class early for recess, together.

He shifted school in Primary 4, and I did not see him again till Primary 6. We met at the Leadership Camp for all primary head prefects from schools in Kuala Lumpur. He always jokingly said then, ‘Kalau aku kat SKSD, mesti aku tak jadi Ketua Pengawas’. After that, I sometimes met him in one competition or the other. The last time I met him in person was during a career competition in Form 4.

We became Facebook friends, and we’d randomly comment on each other’s post. We religiously wished each other on birthdays. We’d chat on Facebook messages, very rarely, but when we did, it’d be long conversation over nothings. He was one of those old friends, whom I was really glad to catch up with, but one who doesn’t cross my mind on ordinary days.

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And in 2012, on June 13th, I signed in on Facebook, and posted him birthday wishes, like I had been in the past few years. Then, this happened..

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I called my Mum, and cried that night. Today, another one of his random comments on Facebook popped up. Every time it happens, I somehow involuntarily relive that night, the night when I read that devastating comment on Facebook.

A Letter to My Younger Self (s)

Dear 4 Year Old Self,

Remember that night, when we were in the car heading to grandparents’ in Bahau. You were fast asleep in the car, when the Acca suddenly pressed the brake. You fell down, and hit your face on the car seat, and you cried in pain. Acca said,  a cow drove recklessly. You just nodded, and sat through the rest of the journey imagining a 4 legged animal driving a red car. A driving cow made your lips bleed.

No, Thara. Cows don’t drive cars. And the Moon doesn’t play hide and seek with you.

Dear 8 Year Old Self,

Remember that girl in school everyone made fun of, because she wasn’t quite right in the head? You too, did the same. You used to walk away if she sat somewhere near you inthe canteen or assembly. You thought she smelled funny. You even laughed about it with your friends. But she was always smiling, greeting everyone. Until, one day, she just wasn’t coming to school anymore. Teachers said she shifted to a different school, with a special class.

A few years later, you’ll see her, clad in secondary school uniform, walking with her mother by the road.  She smiles as she walked by. You sat in the car, with heaved heart and teary eyes. She was just trying to make friends. You should’ve been nice.

Dear 12 Year Old Self,

You thought you had it all. In fact, you felt superior to your peers. You were the school topper, Head Prefect, and you knew that the 2005 Tokoh Pelajar Award had your name written all over it. You enjoyed being in the limelight. And you just knew, you were destined for bigger things.

You didn’t know then that all the medals and certificates you took pride in would mean nothing to your purpose in life. And do not lend your books, especially Harry Potter to others! It’s funny how you were so clueless, yet confident and snobby.

Dear 16 Year Old Self,

By now, you learned that the world revolves around everything, but only you. When you get your exam results, you convince yourself, if you could do this good even without even trying hard, imagine what could happen if you worked as hard. That’s your recent area of expertise. To convince yourself, to come up with reasons and excuses. You aren’t doing as good you ought to, but you aren’t doing bad either? You had great friends, you were in the Top 10. You’ve still got some limelight, although you’re not in centre stage.

You just know that if only you put in some work, you’ll ace many things in life. Well, lemme just tell you, you never got around doing much. Neither did you become a freelance writer, nor did you become a Toastmaster. Nope, not even a scholarship. Maybe, I was meant to be just an average kinda person? Good bye, 12 Year Old Thara.

Dear 20 Year Old Self, 

One day, the only friend from school that you have on campus told you, ‘You’ve changed ahhh’. You used to put yourself first, before anything else’. Her words would be a knock in your head, how you used to love yourself. You would never do anything to harm/hurt your precious self. But you chose to ignore, just brushing off her comments. You just chose to not see things as they were. You got name called behind your back. People were talking. You were just not bothered. After all, they don’t know what was the real situation.

You were just covering up with other good things. You had just won a national competition. You were reading more than before. Your grades were falling, but you could do better if only you tried right? Just so you know, you were wrong. You should’ve listened to your sane self. Oh, and that boy who bought you soup noodles when you were sick? He will mean more to you, than just a friend with car.

Dear Me-Now,

Every bit of experiences you’ve had, has made you the person that you are now. That said, none of those define who you will be as a person. Maybe it’s time you dig up all your To-Do’s and little projects you had in mind, and get started.

No, you don’t need 12 hours of sleep on the only weekend you’ll have off until the semester’s over in January. You got this, girl!