Antidote(s) at The Door

I woke up, grateful for a mundane day. Amma called to check on me. I just rolled in bed, for an hour or so after that– meaningless morning blabbers with my e-boyfriend (hassle free subscription service, and premium members get surprise gifts!). It felt like ages since I had the luxury to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of the day.

I watched 2 episodes each of Totally Spies and HTGAWM on Netflix, with breaks to talk to my e-BF, grandparents, Papa & Cherima, and Keshie. Around 4pm, I ordered Chee Cheong Fun (because I was craving for haram food, but, Popiah Bunga Raya was sold out). When I came back in the house, the piling dishes in my kitchen sink guilt tripped me.

Amma called me again, casually asking what I was doing, and kept saying, ‘Ok, bye!’. It lowkey annoyed me, so I told her to keep talking to me. She mumbled something about being tired, and not napping that evening? She was clearly distracted, divided attention between her favourite daughter (hahaa!) and TV. Then the call ended abruptly. I grunted and continued washing my oats-stained mugs.

The doorbell rang… and there they stood! Amma, Acca and Ceci. I did not cry (my sister only took the video expecting tears, but pffftttt!) I just grinned, and really, my heart jumped in joy and grinned wide too.

For context, I should add this next paragraph.

The past four weeks were the toughest times I have endured in my life. I struggled more than I have ever had. I probably never worked as hard, or even had to be that resilient. Like ever. My spirits were not that beaten but trust me when I say that my circadian rhythm was so off-beat that even the world’s best choreographers couldn’t fix it. I barely slept 25 hours a week and came home just to shower after 36-40 hours workday only to return back.

My parents and e-BF were concerned, and behind my back, they discussed how I’m this little monster who gets angry when they don’t wake me up in time after my 2-hour naps, or sometimes, just-angry.

Having gone through that, truly, this was exactly what I needed. People sometimes overly-romanticize about being self-sufficient and independent – but sometimes, all you need is just Ohana. I even went to bed with a grin, knowing my parents were just 10 steps away in the next room.

It dawned upon me – I’m still that shamelessly needy child who told her parents to call her ‘Baby’ as a toddler and asked them to send me birthday cards while in university because it was always Final Exam week.

 I have now rebooted. I have a sparkling clean house and heart full of joy and strength to take on the coming week! *sings Here We Go, Here We Go*

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