Category Archives: Thoughts

Turning 24

Note: Blogging since 2008, and I’ve never written a birthday post for myself. So, this is pretty much just me talking to myself. Psssss.. I’d let you listen too. 

On the eve of my birthday, I laid in bed just wildly imagining if my life would take a drastic turn as clock ticked to mark my birthday. You see, as much engineering school teaches one to think with logic and facts, I sometimes (okay, more times that I’d like to admit la) fail at it. I’m one of those delusional types who let her mind wander nonsensically, and reading fictions has only worsened it. I diligently set my alarm at 6.15 a.m., so that I don’t miss out on the exact moment I turn 24.

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This is how I pictured myself waking up, turning 24 and all, you see.

The alarm rang. It was dark, and nothing seems to be happening. I rubbed around my to find my glasses, because maybe my poor vision was distracting that ‘something’ from happening. I put my glasses on, and still, nothing happened. I just twisted and turned until I was completely awake. And then reality hit me. I was taking this little game far too seriously, wasn’t I? It really didn’t mean much, to want to be awake at the exact moment I turned 24. I just shook the thought out of my mind, quite literally so, and resumed my slumber.

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Pictured above is a hidden camera footage of how I fell back to sleep.

Reminiscing all the above after about 2 weeks since it happened, it dawns upon me how much I’m still so same and different at the same time. I still make up little pretence games, get paranoid over unanswered phone calls (limited persons only) and tear up when I’m actually angry. But, I’ve also changed so much!

10 years back, I was at least 15 kilograms lighter, and thought I’d never grow my hair beyond my collar (so that I won’t have to tie it). That obviously changed, because, now, I am at my (psssss.. *whispers*) heaviest weight and longest hair ever since Amma pushed me out. I’m far more emotional these days, when back in the days, I couldn’t care less. I used to have many friends, but I barely made an attempt then. Now, I sometimes make an attempt, but I have far less friends. What used to be limitless hopes and exciting dreams are now trimmed bucket lists, hidden somewhere in a box on my bookshelves.

Okay, maybe this all sounds too miserable now. I’m actually doing fine. It’s just that all the birthday game got into my head a lot more than little. This is simply a self reflection. A reminder to myself to stop spending too much time with my BFF whose name is Sleep. To those of you eavesdropping, let this string of words remind you how all those dreams and hopes you have for yourself still could happen. You just got to start doing something. Even if it means writing a long blog post that probably wouldn’t even mean much to others.

P/s: The last time I saw myself in the mirror, I still don’t look like Rihanna. How long you reckon the full transition will take? 

4 Things I Miss About Campus Life

Having an entire week off from work (thank God for maintenance shutdown) actually makes me feel as if I’m on a semester break. Those were the days when I sat at home, with lots of To-Do items and lil projects in mind, almost never executing any. Those were the days I zapped mindlessly from channel to channel, and had nothing to look forward to (except results and traumatic course registration, of course). I’m not sure if it’s a blessing or curse that The Mister is easily annoyed if I lived a sloth life. Hence, *drum rolls*, here it goes, four things I miss about campus life inspired by The Mister’s #throwbackThursday and reminiscence.

1.Being My Own Boss

In campus, we planned for dinners and suppers past midnight with no second thoughts. There were no strict curfew. There were no guilt if you went out for movies every week. Now that I’m back in the Nair household, I’d get 5 calls after clock ticked 9 pm. I reached home at 11.40 pm last week only to find my father fast asleep on the sofa whilst waiting for Baby to back *oopsssss*. Father just looked at me, then his phone, and said, ‘I don’t like this.’ I quickly ran upstairs (silence is the best strategy, ladies and gentlemen). You see, my parents don’t forbid me from hanging out, but it’s all way too exhausting when you have to rush back, and wish to be honest (but you can’t). This is already starting to sound like I’m a bad child, I’ll stop it here. I love being home and all, but, I miss late nights and early mornings. 😦

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2. Food, Food and Food

I used to complain A LOT about food while on campus, but I take my words back now. It wasn’t too bad actually. Since graduating, I’ve not consciously enjoyed National Chinese Breakfast Day (which is celebrated every time I crave for Tronoh aunty’s noodles, if you’re wondering). Cafeteria at my workplace could never possibly match Choy Pin lunches. That late night roti banjir with kari campur, that I always asked for tapao. Mi Sedaap from Rahman for teatime, or that shawarma I used to walk all the way to V4 for. On my lucky days, I get egg tarts and tau foo faa from Ipoh. Oh, and how can I forget the nasi lemak from V4 with squared papadoms (Yes, I have a thing for papadoms!). I miss how after tests or major presentations, we go in convoys to makan sessions. If I were to ever visit campus again, I’d write down a list of these, and make sure I don’t miss any!

3. Lazy Days and Randomness

If I were to plot a  pie chart of the distribution of all the things I miss about campus life, this would probably have the biggest percentage (no shame, sloth life is the best life!). Waking up late in the afternoon, binge watching on television series while munching on cereals with my legs up on the table,  late night conversations with the roommate and listening to her singing same lines of a song for an entire week. All these  definitely made life more bearable than my ordinary work weeks. We shouted by the lake (something I’ve been wanting to do since Foundation) after prayers in Tronoh temple. We drove aimlessly and ended up in Teluk Batik. We drove aimlessly and ended up in Ipoh, the other time. Actually, what I miss the most is, piled up clothes on my bed and feeding myself fat with junk food. Nobody really cared back then.

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4. Humans of Tronoh

Okay, so this is a little hypocritical of me to say. I’m such a douche when it comes to keeping in touch (and all of my close crackos are too, coming to think of it). Some days, I miss friends who used to be around me. I’m putting the blame on adulthood exhaustion that I don’t usually text or call up someone when I miss them. Back in campus, when you miss someone, you could just walk and knock their room doors. In most cases, you met them too often that you want to shut the door and pretend to be asleep (no, I’m kdding). Colleagues are fun people, but a good catch up with college friends is something that I want these days. The reminiscence gets really critical sometimes that I’d hope someone would actually tell me to wait at the V5 palang to go for dinner.

I have come to a conclusion that campus wasn’t the worst of place to  live in after all. All that ‘Can’t wait to be out of jungle‘ talks was pointless. This is a oh-so-cliched graduate who is shamelessly confessing that she’d travel back to campus had she a time machine. To those of you counting your days to leave campus, DON’T! Cherish your time there.

Tales of WhatsApp Groups

Let me begin with a hypothetical question.

If you were told that you could only keep 1 app and delete the rest on your phone, which app would you choose to keep?  *clears throat, refer title above*

I’m going to assume that all of you said the obvious answer in your mind (How many of you lazy bums did not even think? pfffttt..). So, yes, WhatsApp is probably that one app you’ll choose to keep. Yes, I’d even bet my fat thighs that everyone has WhatsApp groups which they are both willingly and unwillingly part of. So, here are tales from different WhatsApp groups. 

1. Extended Family Groups

You and I know that there’s a solid reason why people no longer choose to stay as ‘Kuttu Kudumbam‘ (joint families). Because, when there’s too many nosy aunties, know-it-all uncles and touchy cousins under the same roof, it’s not good for the family. So, the modern version of joint families are family WhatsApp group with about 20-30 members. It’s like having to attend a family reunion DAILY. I’m not saying that family groups are synonym to dramas, bickering and annoying sarcasms all the time. But when such occasions arise, it’s very damaging to spirits. People leave the group, and then get re-added. People send sentimental quotes and videos directed to a certain somebody. People sit and check who’ve read the message they sent and yet said nothing.  There’s a second group created to exclude the black sheep. There’s plenty going on. It escalates from Hum Saath Saath Hain to WWII (War of Quotes & Lengthy Messages) real quick sometimes.

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At the end of the day … *sings I love you, nananaa *

C’mon. I can’t be the only one who has muted the group for a year, never downloaded any of the  good morning messages with life quotes. Admit it, you!

2. Parents’ Reunion Group

God forbid that your parents have reunited with their Standard 6 classmates  on a WhatsApp group *plays friendship song BGM*.  This  sentimental reunions spark a walk down memory lane. In the first few weeks, it’s really very exciting.  Members of the group diligently look for old photographs. They recall memorable (often funny) anecdotes from their younger days. Even if you’re just a secondary member (like me, listening to my father listening and replying voice notes), you tend to feel the fun of it all. It’s like watching ‘Autograph’ movie first hand in real life. After a few months, number of active members slowly reduces. But then, there’s this uncle who refuses to give up. He sends voice notes mentioning every member of the group, calling out to them to reply, every single day! Another aunty who’s always asking what everyone else is up to on a weekend. Then, there are requests to send latest pictures with spouses, with children. Sharing of a viral video, and inviting everyone to share their opinions. All in VOICE NOTES.

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When Dad plays all 3705 voicenotes on a weekend..

3. Abandoned Groups

These are probably groups created in the past for assignments, projects, birthday planning or events you were a part of. For some weird reason, nobody left. Nobody sends any messages, but it’s just there,  with members whose names you’ve probably even forgotten by now. How many of these groups do you still have?

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4. BFFs Groups

This is that group which has different names every other week. Probably one which you spend most time scrolling through. One that is fed with screenshots from Facebook & Instagram posts, gossips, insults and is possibly named as Bat Boys. Opppss? This is that group that your boyfriend keeps replying on your dates. One that makes you so curious so as to what they discuss. Okay, enough of mockery. So, this is the kinda group that keeps you sane, and probably the only group you’ll sign up for if you had a choice at all. See, at least there’s one group that worth not muting.

5. ‘Noted’ and ‘FYA’ Group

So, this is the group with your boss and colleagues, where it’s mostly boring work stuffs. Sometimes, you notice the message coming in, and choose to not click it open in fear of what awaits. This is that group which one cannot mute. You have to think before sending a reply. If you’re too quick to reply, that kinda shows you’re on your phone A LOT during work hours, and if you don’t reply that shows you’re lacking ownership towards a task, It’s a sticky situation if you actually think of it. Mostly replies are standard ‘Noted’, ‘Okay’ and ‘Thanks’. Okay, well work groups aren’t so much misery as I portray above. Discussing lunch plans, and potlucks are fun too!

So, that’s the end of it. Tales from 5 types of WhatsApp groups in our daily lives. Hope you enjoyed reading.

Psssstttt.. You also did mute that group, didn’t you? 😛

Confessions of a Confused Feminist

Disclaimer: This post DOES NOT speak for every lady out there. I’d be thrilled if you find it relatable (High five!), but to each, their own.

Weeks back, it was International Women’s Day. So, like every other celebrated days, there were plenty of posts about women in general. Some of the posts about successful women and their stories were definitely inspiring. One word that kept popping was ‘Feminism’.

You see, as much I used to think I was pro-feminism, I was also a hypocrite. Often, I thought that I was on the opposite lane of feminism. Or, was I even confused about what feminism really was? So, here’s a confession piece of a girl, who’s torn between believing in feminism, but also is partially confused about the idea.

So, let me begin what I think is feminism. Feminism, as I believe, is believing in the rights of women, without any discrimination. Feminism seems to be associated with women who are strong, independent, invulnerable, ready to take on the world. I have the highest respect for women like Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama and many more who’re extraordinaires. But, what about us, the ‘ordinary’ girls/women?

The Confusion

When there’s a heavy chore to do, or there’s this shady crowded place I’d want to go, I look for my father. When I dress up, I’d secretly expect compliments. When it’s that time of the month, and I feel all grumpy and emotional, I’d expect The Mister to tell me the nicest things and ‘let it go’ if I tried hard to pick a fight. When my cousin brother visits us, I always washed his plates after he has eaten (and I know that I wouldn’t if he was a girl, instead). Weirdly, if he was around whenever I got back from campus, he carried my bag up to my room (note the fact that I carried it down 3 floors in hostel, fine by myself). When I interned in Moo Town, I was the only girl in Production Department. The operators and technicians basically pampered me through internship, even helped me if I was transferring items using a pallet truck. I loved receiving real gifts from The Mister and cheating him with handwritten/drawn notes and cartoon.

I was enjoying the privileges of oestrogen. Does that mean I’m less feminist? 

God forbid if a man has catcalled a woman, or insulted her. He’s dragged to the road and judged upon. But we did ask for equality, didn’t we? We thought that a girl being able to utter F*ck and swear in public is an accomplishment. Why can’t we deal if a man used another swear word against a woman? Boys do that all the time, don’t they?

But no, they can’t do that, you say. Because you are a girl. They should respect you. 

The Misconception

Feminism is not about being able to walk with your multi-coloured bra strap seen through your tank top. I don’t understand this particular idea of modern day feminism. Does it really matter? If I preferred to not show some skin/cleaves, am I any less feminist because I’m not loving my body enough? Am I supposed to be less vulnerable or emotional in a relationship? What about abortion, it’s women’s right, right? Does running without a sanitary pad/tampon during menstruation prove a point about the period stigma? These are all the questions that I have asked myself. Honestly, I still do not  know if I have the right answers for the above questions. But I have a message, both for the ladies and the gentlemen who’re reading this :

Ladies, 

Feminism IS NOT a Boys versus Girls fight. Feminism IS NOT about being independent of men. Feminism IS NOT about bra straps. Feminism is you believing that  any woman deserves the kind of life she wants, anyhow she wants to live it. Feminism is you respecting another woman, regardless of her life choices. Feminism is you giving yourself and another woman the benefit of doubts whenever the situations arises. 

Gentlemen,

Do not deny the ladies in your life the simple pleasures of using you (that’s a little bit one-sided, I know. heeeee…) Okay, seriously, do not tell them to stop doing something just because they’re girls. Don’t make us choose between what we want and  what is ‘conventional’. Also, would you please read One Indian Girl by Chetan Bhagat? If you’re one of those lazy types (see, I’m allowed to stereotype here), I’d make life easier for you, by quoting one of my favourite lines from the book:

“Women want to fly and we also want a beautiful nest” and she asks them earnestly, “Do male birds tell female birds to choose?” – Chetan Bhagat

Okaaay, so this got a lot longer that I initially had in mind. So, that’s pretty much it. Do comment on what are your thoughts about this, I’d love to hear (read them, actually). 😀

3 Reasons Why Online Articles Are Actually Messed Up

Well, it’s a lil hypocritical and ironical that I’m also telling you how online article are messed via an online article, but you wouldn’t roll your eyes, would you? We are forgiving netizens, aren’t we?

So, what inspired me to write this piece is that abundance of online articles on Facebook and Twitter these days. Abundance doesn’t even do justice to the number of articles appearing on our feeds these days. Perhaps like “bagai cendawan tumbuh selepas hujan“? (Suguz would be proud of me if he read this!). I used to be a junkie who clicked open almost every article I saw on my FB and Twitter feed. How do you resist if the title says, “22 Things Every 22 Year Olds Should Know”.  As it is, I was absent when the “How To Survive Adulthood” reference book was secretly distributed (Please give me a copy if you have it!). I definitely wouldn’t miss these free life consultations, eye opening advice that this writer who has a Sports Science degree is going to tell me.  Right?

Wrong! Not too be brutal to these articles or anything, but sometimes in midst of us indulging in these articles,but here are 3 ways how online articles are actually messing up our lives :

1.Expectations

When you read an article about ’10 Ways Real Man Treats His Girl’ or ‘5 Ways If You Are Dating The One’, it subconsciously messes you up for worse. You read that fifth sentence and it says, “He shares his food with you.”. You pause staring at that line, and try to recall if bae had shared his favourite mutton briyani with you. And you start panicking! He ate up every grain all by himself.

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Definitely failed Item#5 of Bae For Life checklist. 😛

Oh, no. Now you go on to the next point, it says, “He always plans for your dates.”. Another bummer, you were always the one who had to plan on where to go, what to eat. So, is he The One? *sends link of article to bae, for reference* 

Subconsciously, the next time you go out for a date, you insist to go his favourite restaurant just to see if he offers you a bite, (he would if he had read that article), but if he doesn’t that’s a big No-No because Item#10 on that article said that, “He would genuinely care to open every link you send him.”

2. Fitting in Moulds

If you are like me, an almost horoscope addict, you would also find articles like “ How Every Zodiac Sign Ruins Their Own Life Without Even Trying To” or “5 Things To Be Aware if You are a Virgo”. You don’t think twice and click it open. It has a list of how, based on your horoscope sign, you would potentially end up in poverty if you aren’t too careful. Or how your personality should be determined by your birth time. As much a I am fascinated with reading horoscopes, I find that these articles are somewhat stereotyping. Most of these articles tend to pre-define how a set of people are.  These articles create a mindset that we all belong in groups, in clusters. And that we should exhibit the same characteristics. We aren’t chemical compounds, for God’s sake. You and I don’t have to belong in a group, just because we have the same horoscope sign or because our parents are Asians. We are all different, that’s the beauty of us, no?

3. Bandwagon Syndrome

This is generally related to keeping up with the trend. Well, it’s no harm that we are want to be dressed in a trendy way, or eat at that famous choc-yucky place. What could do worse damage is trying to keep up in life, as what’s trending. 10 years back, being a founder of start-ups and travelling were not the measure of happiness. In recent years however, it seems like we can only be happy if we quit our 9-5 job and travel the world. Online articles definitely is one of the culprit that somehow keep pushing people into these preconceived notions. Am I supposed to be less happy because I have no grudge about my oh-so-boring 9-5?  Like I said in the above, we all have different preferences. How does that articles even warranty your happiness if you quit your job, and decide to be a full time blogger, in hopes to receive free Pampers samples for your unborn child. (Okay, you probably had to read twice to get that! :P)

While some of us may claim that we are all adults, and how we don’t live by every little piece of information  we see. But, I really do feel that somehow, when there’s plenty of articles, and every single one of it says almost the same kinda things, you start doubting yourself. I have to also shamelessly add that, I too read these articles and smile sheepishly when I see something that matches. But, it seems like writers are desperately out of content, because more and more articles are purely nonsensical. If a writer comes up with things like “Things Your Ex Was Afraid to Tell You Based on Your Horoscope Sign“,  you know how these people deserve the Balderdash Award. Let me not even get started with those articles with misleading titles (such cheap trick to get people to click on them!). The once-upon-a-time glorified internet, is slowly turning into a trash can we have to scavenger through to get some valuables.

Do comment on some of the worst things you have read online. We can share a laugh. 😀