Tag Archives: changes

Mirror, Mirror, By My Side

‘It’s because you are lazy’. That’s what The Mister said, when we started brisk walking at the Neighbourhood Park. We had just climbed three flight of stairs to get to the park; and I was already panting as if I ran a marathon (not like I have the experience of that). He insisted that we should jog, ‘Come, slowly, jog!’.

I maintained that I cannot jog, my ankle hurt and I might die of shortness of breath.

‘But you cycled in the gym last time! You used to run, you can jog! You’re just lazy!’. Bugger called me lazy. Twice! I had enough.

‘When I say I can’t jog, that means I CANNOT’. I walked away, angrily, made 2 rounds in the park, still walking briskly, mentally mocking him and gave laser stares each time I passed by him. My Amma nags me much lesser than this man!

Two days later, we went for a jog, again. We set rules this time; that I will jog to the best of my ability and that he’ll be considerate and nice(r) while at it. I did try to jog; and we completed about 1.8 km of jogging before I gave up. Frankly, I could’ve continued. But I just didn’t feel like pushing it? So, I used my ‘side stitch’ excuse to get away. Maybe I was just lazy?

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Oh, the shame I feel typing this. 

 

 Earlier this week, The Mister casually commented, ‘You don’t read OR write these days, ah?’ I pretended not to hear that, sailed on to a different topic. I’m ninja like that when it comes to avoiding anything uncomfortable.

I did not think much of it all, until earlier today, while trying to not regurgitate the yucky lunch I was having. Maybe there’s truth to it. I am being a little lazy? I have been slacking in many ways, relatively. I have the luxury of time these days, but I do nothing (other than rolling chapatis 3-4 times a week).

To all this, I had one very good excuse. I was still settling in a new country. That takes time, right? Duhhh. But, if I must be honest, I was already well-adjusted at work. And, really, it just feels like I live in an alternate universe where Malaysia has better public transportation and crappy banking app. Everything else feels the same? So, that excuse went down the drain now because transition was smooth.

The whole point to this is that I realized, that sometimes, in life, we might need someone who gives us a reality check. To be that mirror reflecting on things you and I would delusional-y ignore or avoid. Fortunately (sometimes unfortunately), that person for me is The Mister.

I realized how this is a sticky situation, because that means, mostly, I cannot get away with pity or long-winded stories with The Mister. He points out things as they are, and that’s just not so romantic, I must say.

Sometimes, I get oh-so-defensive about the little stuffs, but when I’m all alone eating yucky lunch (yucky lunch is an important variable, you guys!), his valid points somehow make sense.

Sometimes, I get that much defensive, that I make it a point to prove against whatever he has said. Like today, I am writing a blog post while eating fruit salad for dinner, after a 3.2 km run on a weekday!

Lazy, who? Sorry?

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I managed to run that same route, TWICE, today.

BUT, I have to also confess, I needed motivation to complete my mission; so I consoled myself that if I did run better, I would give me a reward. So……

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No, I’m not eating fruit salad for dinner. Korean Fried Chicken! ❤

[7/30] The Moving Cheese

If I am a philosophical and oh-so cliché type, I would start this post by saying ‘Change is the only constant.’. But I would not do that, obviously. *inserts hahaa!* Fair to say, I have not gone through major unexpected events in life (I have seen people had it worst). As I thought about writing this, it came to me that I could classify the changes that happened to me into two; 1) Expected, generic changes and 2) Conscious change – when I made up my mind to change something.

Honestly speaking, tougher of the two is making a conscious decision to change. I’m not going to lie, I have had my fair share of struggles with this. Be it leaving a relatively well-paid job to join a graduate trainee program, enrolling in postgraduate studies full time while working a full-time job, moving on from the worst mistake of my life, and even deciding to stop sucking my fingers and scarring my forehead, it was all WORK. What helped me most in these transitions are three things, conscious self-reminder to be resilient, supportive circle of close knits and lots of information.

  1. Resilience

Resilience, I think, is something that we must work on. In the face of challenges or adversities, don’t uggghhh too soon. Be solution-focused instead of problem focused (I’m working on this!). December last year, I discovered this book called ‘Who Moved My Cheese’ by Spencer Johnson. I liked this book so much that I bought 3 copies of the book for my friends. It is a story of 2 mice and 2 people who live a in maze, looking for cheese – I bet you’d find it an easy read.

  2.    Seek for Support

Always confide in and discuss your thoughts with people you’re close with. I was lucky enough that I’ve had people around me knocking my head, slapping me with hard reality and being supportive sweethearts. Don’t beta yourself up feeling weak, because sometimes we all need *sings* somebody to lean on!

  3.    Gather Information

Look for enough information about the situation that has changed. I am big on researching, no matter how petty a matter is. It is always consoling to understand what you’re going to face (are facing) especially if it’s a new job, new project or even a new romantic partner. If research tells you no-good news, then at least you know now! Be prepared for the worst – this goes back to #1, be resilient.

When I gradually stopped my skin-picking habit (I self-diagnosed myself with skin-picking disorder  before my dermatologist did! See, research helps.), I was not used to looking at my face without that scar on my forehead. Some days, I’d just pick on my skin at the same spot, just to feel that comfort (stop rolling your eyes, Mister!). That’s how changes haunt us sometimes, like something’s not right. BUT, it’s just a phase, you’d get through it. Because… change is the only constant! 😉


Note : This blog post is part of my 30 Days Microblog Challenge which I began in September 2018. To read more from this series, you can select ‘Microblog’ under Category. Or, search for #therainbowhatmicroblogs on Instagram. 🙂 Topics for this series are a mix of my own brainchild and prompts from my Insta-friends.