Category Archives: Thoughts

Confessions of a Confused Feminist

Disclaimer: This post DOES NOT speak for every lady out there. I’d be thrilled if you find it relatable (High five!), but to each, their own.

Weeks back, it was International Women’s Day. So, like every other celebrated days, there were plenty of posts about women in general. Some of the posts about successful women and their stories were definitely inspiring. One word that kept popping was ‘Feminism’.

You see, as much I used to think I was pro-feminism, I was also a hypocrite. Often, I thought that I was on the opposite lane of feminism. Or, was I even confused about what feminism really was? So, here’s a confession piece of a girl, who’s torn between believing in feminism, but also is partially confused about the idea.

So, let me begin what I think is feminism. Feminism, as I believe, is believing in the rights of women, without any discrimination. Feminism seems to be associated with women who are strong, independent, invulnerable, ready to take on the world. I have the highest respect for women like Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama and many more who’re extraordinaires. But, what about us, the ‘ordinary’ girls/women?

The Confusion

When there’s a heavy chore to do, or there’s this shady crowded place I’d want to go, I look for my father. When I dress up, I’d secretly expect compliments. When it’s that time of the month, and I feel all grumpy and emotional, I’d expect The Mister to tell me the nicest things and ‘let it go’ if I tried hard to pick a fight. When my cousin brother visits us, I always washed his plates after he has eaten (and I know that I wouldn’t if he was a girl, instead). Weirdly, if he was around whenever I got back from campus, he carried my bag up to my room (note the fact that I carried it down 3 floors in hostel, fine by myself). When I interned in Moo Town, I was the only girl in Production Department. The operators and technicians basically pampered me through internship, even helped me if I was transferring items using a pallet truck. I loved receiving real gifts from The Mister and cheating him with handwritten/drawn notes and cartoon.

I was enjoying the privileges of oestrogen. Does that mean I’m less feminist? 

God forbid if a man has catcalled a woman, or insulted her. He’s dragged to the road and judged upon. But we did ask for equality, didn’t we? We thought that a girl being able to utter F*ck and swear in public is an accomplishment. Why can’t we deal if a man used another swear word against a woman? Boys do that all the time, don’t they?

But no, they can’t do that, you say. Because you are a girl. They should respect you. 

The Misconception

Feminism is not about being able to walk with your multi-coloured bra strap seen through your tank top. I don’t understand this particular idea of modern day feminism. Does it really matter? If I preferred to not show some skin/cleaves, am I any less feminist because I’m not loving my body enough? Am I supposed to be less vulnerable or emotional in a relationship? What about abortion, it’s women’s right, right? Does running without a sanitary pad/tampon during menstruation prove a point about the period stigma? These are all the questions that I have asked myself. Honestly, I still do not  know if I have the right answers for the above questions. But I have a message, both for the ladies and the gentlemen who’re reading this :

Ladies, 

Feminism IS NOT a Boys versus Girls fight. Feminism IS NOT about being independent of men. Feminism IS NOT about bra straps. Feminism is you believing that  any woman deserves the kind of life she wants, anyhow she wants to live it. Feminism is you respecting another woman, regardless of her life choices. Feminism is you giving yourself and another woman the benefit of doubts whenever the situations arises. 

Gentlemen,

Do not deny the ladies in your life the simple pleasures of using you (that’s a little bit one-sided, I know. heeeee…) Okay, seriously, do not tell them to stop doing something just because they’re girls. Don’t make us choose between what we want and  what is ‘conventional’. Also, would you please read One Indian Girl by Chetan Bhagat? If you’re one of those lazy types (see, I’m allowed to stereotype here), I’d make life easier for you, by quoting one of my favourite lines from the book:

“Women want to fly and we also want a beautiful nest” and she asks them earnestly, “Do male birds tell female birds to choose?” – Chetan Bhagat

Okaaay, so this got a lot longer that I initially had in mind. So, that’s pretty much it. Do comment on what are your thoughts about this, I’d love to hear (read them, actually). 😀

3 Reasons Why Online Articles Are Actually Messed Up

Well, it’s a lil hypocritical and ironical that I’m also telling you how online article are messed via an online article, but you wouldn’t roll your eyes, would you? We are forgiving netizens, aren’t we?

So, what inspired me to write this piece is that abundance of online articles on Facebook and Twitter these days. Abundance doesn’t even do justice to the number of articles appearing on our feeds these days. Perhaps like “bagai cendawan tumbuh selepas hujan“? (Suguz would be proud of me if he read this!). I used to be a junkie who clicked open almost every article I saw on my FB and Twitter feed. How do you resist if the title says, “22 Things Every 22 Year Olds Should Know”.  As it is, I was absent when the “How To Survive Adulthood” reference book was secretly distributed (Please give me a copy if you have it!). I definitely wouldn’t miss these free life consultations, eye opening advice that this writer who has a Sports Science degree is going to tell me.  Right?

Wrong! Not too be brutal to these articles or anything, but sometimes in midst of us indulging in these articles,but here are 3 ways how online articles are actually messing up our lives :

1.Expectations

When you read an article about ’10 Ways Real Man Treats His Girl’ or ‘5 Ways If You Are Dating The One’, it subconsciously messes you up for worse. You read that fifth sentence and it says, “He shares his food with you.”. You pause staring at that line, and try to recall if bae had shared his favourite mutton briyani with you. And you start panicking! He ate up every grain all by himself.

giphy (1)
Definitely failed Item#5 of Bae For Life checklist. 😛

Oh, no. Now you go on to the next point, it says, “He always plans for your dates.”. Another bummer, you were always the one who had to plan on where to go, what to eat. So, is he The One? *sends link of article to bae, for reference* 

Subconsciously, the next time you go out for a date, you insist to go his favourite restaurant just to see if he offers you a bite, (he would if he had read that article), but if he doesn’t that’s a big No-No because Item#10 on that article said that, “He would genuinely care to open every link you send him.”

2. Fitting in Moulds

If you are like me, an almost horoscope addict, you would also find articles like “ How Every Zodiac Sign Ruins Their Own Life Without Even Trying To” or “5 Things To Be Aware if You are a Virgo”. You don’t think twice and click it open. It has a list of how, based on your horoscope sign, you would potentially end up in poverty if you aren’t too careful. Or how your personality should be determined by your birth time. As much a I am fascinated with reading horoscopes, I find that these articles are somewhat stereotyping. Most of these articles tend to pre-define how a set of people are.  These articles create a mindset that we all belong in groups, in clusters. And that we should exhibit the same characteristics. We aren’t chemical compounds, for God’s sake. You and I don’t have to belong in a group, just because we have the same horoscope sign or because our parents are Asians. We are all different, that’s the beauty of us, no?

3. Bandwagon Syndrome

This is generally related to keeping up with the trend. Well, it’s no harm that we are want to be dressed in a trendy way, or eat at that famous choc-yucky place. What could do worse damage is trying to keep up in life, as what’s trending. 10 years back, being a founder of start-ups and travelling were not the measure of happiness. In recent years however, it seems like we can only be happy if we quit our 9-5 job and travel the world. Online articles definitely is one of the culprit that somehow keep pushing people into these preconceived notions. Am I supposed to be less happy because I have no grudge about my oh-so-boring 9-5?  Like I said in the above, we all have different preferences. How does that articles even warranty your happiness if you quit your job, and decide to be a full time blogger, in hopes to receive free Pampers samples for your unborn child. (Okay, you probably had to read twice to get that! :P)

While some of us may claim that we are all adults, and how we don’t live by every little piece of information  we see. But, I really do feel that somehow, when there’s plenty of articles, and every single one of it says almost the same kinda things, you start doubting yourself. I have to also shamelessly add that, I too read these articles and smile sheepishly when I see something that matches. But, it seems like writers are desperately out of content, because more and more articles are purely nonsensical. If a writer comes up with things like “Things Your Ex Was Afraid to Tell You Based on Your Horoscope Sign“,  you know how these people deserve the Balderdash Award. Let me not even get started with those articles with misleading titles (such cheap trick to get people to click on them!). The once-upon-a-time glorified internet, is slowly turning into a trash can we have to scavenger through to get some valuables.

Do comment on some of the worst things you have read online. We can share a laugh. 😀